Hi. I’m a creative. I’m uncomfortable as hell

I just hit submit on a book proposal — the book that’s been kicking around my head for the past few years. I sent it out to five agents, closed my computer, and rolled out my shoulders. I’m cringing.

It’s the same feeling I have when I press publish on a YouTube video, where I post my vlogs and the new music I’ve been recording these past few months. It’s the same feeling as when I publish those songs on Spotify. It’s the same feeling I have when I start a new role. It’s excruciating.

A couple months ago, my friend Akshay Verma wrote a post about discomfort. He talked about the dueling tensions of discomfort and growth — and it hit me like a gut punch. Because the reality is that I’m uncomfortable as hell. I’ve been uncomfortable since I realized I’d finished what I’d set out to accomplish at my last corporate job — the job I’d had for almost five years — and dove into uncertainty. I’ve been uncomfortable every single minute.

When I read Akshay’s post, I was ramping onto a consulting gig that took up most of my summer. It felt like powering up parts of my brain and body that I’d finally let take a brief rest — my operations, finance, and technology wizardry — and I had to do it all in Microsoft Office.  On a Windows machine. 

I haven’t been in either ecosystem for over a decade. So while my brain quickly and ecstatically started working out the problems I obsess over, I spent seemingly hours of my first week googling the most basic commands. I googled how to screenshot. I googled how to copy and paste special. It was like swimming with weights on my ankles. I moved ten times slower than I was used to, and my brain would go full speed ahead while my hands were fifty paces back.

It was frustrating. It was exhausting. And it was absolutely humbling. 

But I loved it. I felt like I was doing the move I love most at the gym: balancing on one leg with a weight, toppling over, and then realizing: Wow. My left side really needs some more strength.

So let’s get to work. 

After those first few days, my project kicked off — the exact type of massive data analysis project that absolutely lights me up. And having pushed through those first few days of awkward motion, I could take off. Let’s face it: Using Office on a Windows machine is like getting into a Range Rover v8 after driving a v6 Toyota for 10 years. 

Soon, muscle memory kicked in — especially old tricks from my Finance major days. The discomfort had given way to a better command of what I was doing. It was all open road.

The reality is that discomfort is a constant in my life right now. My career is uncertain — instead of looking for jobs like I might have done earlier in my career, I’m taking the opportunity to design my own future — and the future of the field. While I continue to search for the strategic ops and transformation role of my business dreams — and vLookup in my spreadsheet projects — I’m going all in on my music projects and cringing through it. 

And I’m keeping my eye out for the next opportunity to be extremely, desperately uncomfortable. 

Because to answer Akshay’s big question: Being uncomfortable is the only way to grow. There is no evolution that comes without resistance.

So I’m not avoiding discomfort. I’m stepping on the gas.